One of the absolute central principles of AP is the necessity of taking the longview. I want to expound on that a little bit. There are few creatures on earth that take as long as humans do to reach full neurological maturity. In fact, I can’t think of any off hand. 16-20 years about does it. Before that time, do not expect your child to be fully capable of acting like an adult. That is a real bummer, folks. It is especially a bummer in the busy, performance-oriented, stressed, and instant gratification world that we Westerners live in. Who has 20 years for their child to develop perspective, insight, foresight, patience, industriousness, gratitude, contentment, and emotional and behavioral self-control? Unfortunately, most of us are most of the time (myself included) simply trying to get through the day and our children’s im-maturity is often one of the biggest obstacles to succeeding in that endeavor.
Most of us do not have the luxury of changing our lives to become less stressed and pressured. It is what it is, although I am all for making creating breathing room when and where you can. My prayer is that as you interact with your child, through life’s frustrations and inconveniences, you are able to remember that the raising of your child is a marathon not a sprint. Much of what makes you crazy about your child will pass of it’s own accord with time, if nothing else. Try not to pile on guilt and shame (for you and your child) in the meantime. Instead, when you can, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What do I need to do with my child right now that will benefit him in the long run?” It will probably be inconvenient, it may be embarrassing, and it will almost certainly make you late for the next thing on your schedule. But your child will thank you, and you will reap a worthwile reward…though it may not be for 10 or 15 years. Sigh.
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