When things stay bad

Normal childhood development involves a lot of ups and downs, emotionally and behaviorally.  But when a period of problematic behavior persists longer than usual, it is helpful to have a checklist to screen out factors you can control that might help turn things around.  Assuming that there have not been any major life stressors to precipitate difficulties, then consider the following:

• Rule-out allergies or sleep problems
• Make sure your child is getting protein (meat, dairy, nuts) at regular intervals during the day.
• Increase the frequency of Harbor Times. Children act bad when they don’t have any parental wind in their sails.
• Keep a small notebook with you and chart when, where, and with who problems arise over a week’s time.  Also note how long it has been since your child last ate something when he acts out. Then determine if a pattern emerges on any of these four points and use the information to develop a plan to support you child to succeed at those times.
• Based on your charting, begin to predict when problems are likely to arise (e.g., transitions, after school, going to the store, etc.) and make a contract before entering into the danger zone. Let your child know that you’ve noticed he’s struggled in situations like the one you are about to enter and that you want to help him succeed in the current situation. The contract needs to state specifically how you expect your child to behave (“Behave yourself” is too vague) and what will happen if he does not hold up his end of the contract. Do not feel obligated to create some special reward for meeting some basic expectation. Focus instead on natural consequences and your child’s inherent desire to do the right thing. Enforce the contract with a reminder that your child agreed to it.
• Say less, and mean it more. Start this on a weekend when you have nothing better to do but mean what you say.
• If your child is going to act badly (i.e, have a tantrum), allow him to but under your terms (e.g., in his room, in the car, by himself)

If you have difficulty developing a plan that adequately addresses the when, where and who or things don’t improve despite the above recommendations, seek further consultation with a professional to problem solve further or rule-out a medical cause (e.g., ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Mood Disorder, Developmental Disorder, etc.)